Top 10 TV or Movie Villains

Or

people I would like to hit with an Aluminum Bat

In a way, this is a list of people who very successfully portrayed villains or bad guys in the movies.

My wife says that if you really hate a character, it means that the actor has done a great job. But I sometimes have trouble separating the actor from the character so even after an actor has moved on to other roles, I  still want to hit the actor in the head with a bat when I see them.

 In a parallel world, I am sure a less sane counterpart is already in jail for assaulting whoever played Lucius Mallfoy, that rat bastard.

10)        Khosrow Daivari and Muhammed Hassan

 

If there is anyone who knows how to make you hate someone, it's Vince McMahon. He's been making Bad Guys for Professional Wrestling for over 30 years.

Khosrow Daivari and Muhammed Hassan are supposed to be 2 angry Arab-Americans who claim that Americans discriminate against them since 9-11.

 It's not 9-11 that makes us hate them, it's that little, yammering a-hole Daivari.

Hassan does the usual schtick, "I'm tired of you Americans treating us like terrorists!" Then he gives the mike to Khosrow Daivari who really knows how to jabber and scream in some Arabic dialect. It can't help but remind you of a terrorist hostage tape.

Part of me is surprised to see anyone undertake a role like this since 9-11. But, the truth is, these guys are probably out of work Puerto Ricans actors with beards who are happy to be getting a paycheck. Still though, I'll bet you don't see them take their act to Madison Square Garden!

Update! WWE Dropped the Hassan character for mostly politically correct reasons. Daivari is still around, frequently appearing as an evil referee for Kurt Angle.
Luis and Carlos Hernandez take their chances dressing up as Arab Wrestlers. Hey, it's a paycheck, mon.

9)          The head vampire in The Lost Boys  (Edward Herrmann)

Man, I can't get this guy out of my head.

He was in The Lost Boys and ever since then, I can't give this actor a break. Plus, this guy is everywhere, as a narrator for the A&E channel, a pitchman in Dodge commercials and even in 'Welcome to Mooseport'. He even starred with Redford in The Great Gatsby.

But this guy could be playing one of the Apostles in 'The Passion of Christ' and I'd still think about driving a stake through his heart.

Sneaky-ass blood sucking bastard! I'll bet if I bought a Dodge, you'd fly out of the glove compartment and try to suck my blood.  I'm sure he's a lovely man in real life, but I can't help but want to give him a beating because of The Lost Boys.

Would you buy a Dodge  from this bloodsucker?  

8)           Dr. Zachary Smith

 I know, I know, how did my beloved Dr. Smith get on this list?

I love Dr. Smith. He is one of my favorite TV characters. This list is mostly about villains who I hate, so you wouldn't think I'd include Dr. Smith here, but I had to. He really was a magnificent bastard. The reason I ended up loving him was because of his dimwitted costars. He could be a crafty, megalomaniac villain one moment and a simpering child-like coward the next. In a way, he was like a younger Mr. Burns from The Simpsons

Even as a kid, I recognized bad acting and Lost in Space was full of it. Everyone was a mindless good guy. I couldn't relate to them. In fact, I actually started  rooting for the evil Dr. Smith to triumph over them. Dr. Smith had it all; guile, vanity, and an unquenchable thirst to rule over the other space castaways. Unfortunately, Dr. Smith was doomed to be outsmarted by the robot and that meddling kid, Will Robinson. Even though he was evil, I can't help but think that the show would have been more interesting if Dr. Smith got to be in charge just for a few episodes.

 

 

 
Oh William! Oh! The Pain! The pain, the pain!

 7)           That little laughing bastard puppet friend of Jabba the Hut in 'Return of the Jedi'

6)          Kalgan in 'Space Mutiny'

I'm not really sure why I am including Kalgan. He is just an over acting, over-the-top villain. And he even isn't very effective because the brain-dead,  good-guys in Space Mutiny end up outsmarting him. But he has a few screen moments were he seems delighted in his crapulence.

I'm not sure whether I want to hit him with a bat because of the evilness of his character or because of the performance of the actor. Either way, for me,  this guys head looks like a 3 and 0 pitch.

MST3K had a field day on Kalgan

5)    Tommy Devito

 

 This is one crazy bastard. Plus, he is based upon a real person, Tommy Desimone, whose body was recently discovered in a mob graveyard almost 25 years after he disappeared. (See here). Joe Pesci received an Oscar for his portrayal of the violent and unpredictable mob murderer in Goodfellas.

The funny thing is, he reminds me of a crazy, hard drinking boss I had as a kid who was every bit as scary and dangerous.

Joe Pesci has played a lot of scary characters, but this one really freaks me out. In a way, Pesci is a little too convincing. I'll bet, in real life, Joe Pesci never has to wait in line.

What, do I amuse you?

4)        Mrs. Iselin

 

 

 Oooh! This is the Ultimate Screen Bitch! Worse than Joan Collins! I know what you are thinking, "But how can the old lady from Murder, She Wrote be evil? How could that melodious voice in Beauty and the Beast be evil?"

Trust me, she's Mussolini in a bad dress! In a way, her performance in The Manchurian Candidate was a breakout for Feminists as she was the main bad guy in this movie. She was pushy, manipulative, brilliant and a Commie! In fact, she was so convincing she could probably kick the ass of the Head Vampire (see #9).  It really was a ground-breaking performance. Plus, she ends up getting shot in the end by her own brainwashed son which is actually more satisfying than the Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson sex tape. And much better acted.
Your husband, Inspector Lugar, just got shot in the head by your brainwashed son! Get ready for your close up, Mrs. Iselin"  

 

 3)       LUCIUS MALFOY

 

 In a way, this guy is number one on the "'Characters I'd Hit-on-the-Head-with-an-Aluminum-Bat" List.

Lucius Malfoy is a super evil character from the 'Harry Potter' movies. He portrays himself as scholarly and refined wizard, but in reality he is a miserable bully and a sneaky bastard-wizard. When he is not beating up house elves, he is screwing with Mudbloods and the Ministry of Magic. Now, I know that sounds silly, but trust me, he is worse than Yoko.

Plus, he is the father of Draco Malfoy, a sniveling little scumbag who is the William Zabka for a new generation.

I don't care how much magic you know, Lucius, it won't help you against the unseen aluminum bat. I'd just hide somewhere in Hagrid's house and as soon as I saw that haughty, blonde melon, crack!
He stole that cane from Barnabas Collins!

2) Triple H

The only reason Triple H is on this list is because of the sneaky-crappy way they keep him as the World Champ of RAW. I mean, I don't expect the producers of the WWE to follow a logical course of action. But it feels like Triple H has been the champ since Reagan was in the White House. And plus, they are running out of ways for Triple H to cheat defeat. It's getting silly.

They could put Triple H up against Godzilla and Batista and Rick Flair would still find a way to distract the ref and knock out Godzilla with a metal chair.

Jeez, give us a new world champ; Kane, Chris Jericho, Batista, Eugene... anyone!

Update! Batista turned on Triple H and now he is the Champion! FINALLY!
Triple H  must have pictures of Vince McMahon with a boy scout.

1)        Frank Booth

There is a beauty in his evil. In a way, I can't help but love this guy, even though he is a Nitrous Oxide huffing, kidnapping, pill popping, sexual predator and murderer. He convincingly scares the hell out of me.

Frank Booth was a depraved and extremely violent villain from Blue Velvet. Blue Velvet is one of those movies people either Love or Despise. I was never crazy about the movie but I caught myself thinking about it months after seeing it. Eventually I came to love it.

This film resurrected Dennis Hopper's career. After 2 decades of alcohol and drug abuse, the role of Frank Booth was tailor made for Hopper. And he is just too damned convincing as such a twisted, tormented and dangerous character.

Growing up, I quickly learned that crazy people are to be feared. I've seen crazy people beat the crap out of huge football players. And this guy is freaking crazy. In one scene, he huffs up a bunch of laughing gas and has his henchman hold down Kyle MacLachlan. He then pops in a cassette of Bobby Vinton, puts on some lipstick, and starts kissing Kyle Maclachlan all over his face. Then he proceeds to beat the holy hell out of him while a fat, middle-aged hooker dances on top of his car roof. If I had a dime for every time that happened to me...
"Don't you fucking look at me!"